NEWS
NEWS
NEWS
We had been a while whitout knowing from them, and during this hell of a quaranfine we didn’t care much either, but it seems that the Mycological Society of Scrapbridge has run out of members after their last tasting. If anyone is interested in joining to keep the members fees running, speak out.
We know that the fixed time to lean out our windows and throw insults and curses to each other is sacred, but please calm down a little and stop throwing rocks and other heavy things at your neighbors. You all have a fuckin’ shitty aim and you never hit your intended targets and other citizens suffer without knowing, and you know, it’s hard as fuck keep track of the neighbors you have to curse next time.
There are news about a couple of settlements that decided to skip the quaranfine due to these crabfuck infestation, claiming that the whole story was made up by those filthy mutards. It seems that now that the body piles are starting to hamper movement around the place, they are beginning to reconsider. Situation is so bad they have started to attack each other in such a violent way that if some Amok run by, they would leave in a hurry sayin’ “We didn’t want to interrupt, compadres”.
It seems that during this forced quaranfine some beasts are beginning to show up in territories they never paced upon. According to some tales, a mongolongo has been drinking tea in a waterhole he swore he would never go back to after some drops were spilled all over him while being served, a landshark has returned with an old ex, and a highjacker has been spotted walking around, whistling and enjoying the feel of the sand in his feet. But… but… what kind of shitty news do you send me to be published! Holy shit, this is serious crap! This is an earnest business, for gods’ sake!
ANNOUNCEMENTS OF INTEREST
OR NOT, WHO KNOWS?
Can’t sleep at night? I’ll smack ya so ‘ard you will stone drop for the whole day.
REF: Mittens
Farts bottled under request. Make an stilish gift.
REF: Smelly LLC
The Association of Sad and Miserable People doesn’t want anything. In case you wondered. REF: ASMP
NEWS OF THE MONTH
We are all so fuckingly fed up of this quaranfine.
It seems the crabfuck infestation is growing smaller, but the Scrapbridge Council is more scared than a martabbit during a exam and won’t let us out yet. There are of course many citizens that didn’t heed to the warnings, because they HAD to get out of their places to get laid, get fucked or even get feed! But the Judges have been merciless and after the first 27 murder-death-kills people finally have begun to understand the situation and stay inside.
The Grabtit quarter is now a ghost place, with all their business and places closed for good. But the owners need not to worry, because the Council has said that, if they have serious income losses, half of their workers have died, they can thread a needle from 10 feet away and can fill without any mistake the relevant 318 documents to be delivered at their office, they will have the right to cash in a public aid during the next 36 months. If they keep paying their taxes, of course, because the bellies of the Council members won’t be warmed by themselves.
There are many critical voices, of course, mainly of so-called candidates to Council seats, roaring that things are not being done properly and that if they were in charge their bellies would be the ones to be fed and warmed by all the tax incomes. That would be really more appropriate, according to them.
But I don’t give a flying fuck because the Patron system is working just awesomingly fine, and the icing of the cake is that Ratcutter doesn’t dare to go out his shack so I don’t have to see his ugly face around here.
