NEWS
NEWS
NEWS
Flying Junkers. Yeah, you heard it right. Not as cool as it sounds, though. I mean, they do manage to fly, but nailing the landing? Not their strongest point. Sometimes they crash harder than a bad date, or they just can’t figure out how not to explode mid-air. You know Samantha O’Sullivan’s obsession with her folks making all sorts of gadgets and tinkering like mad. Well, these Junkers have started giving weird uses to the fuel they got from the Sky Fortress crew (no clue how many bullets those guys must be raking in right now). One of their tricks is strapping backpacks filled with gasoline on some of their crew members and hoping they don’t end up splattered somewhere. But they also seem to want to give the Black Blood Children a run for their money and are building some kind of bikes. Well, sort of. They look more like rocket-powered wheels on fuckin’ steroids… and handle just about as well. Still, I’m curious to see how Cunnilingus Igni is taking this, and all bets are on some clash between the Tex’co cult and Samantha’s crew.
No idea why, but lately, everyone in the Wasteland seems to have started practising up parcú, parkorg or whatever the hell you call it. Acting like a bunch of lunatics, basically. Now even the clumsiest can scale vertical walls effortlessly, bounce from rooftop to rooftop, or leap from high places and land with a somersault. I don’t know if people are mutating into damn monkeys or it’s some survival-of-the-fittest crap, but there you have it. Shit, dude.
A quite massive landslide buried the settlement of Trills at the foot of Collapse Peak. The survivors claim they’ll rebuild it like they always do. I don’t want to sound like a know-it-all, but maybe the issue is that the place ain’t too safe, and they’d be better off hauling ass somewhere else. I mean, considering the alternative, even living in Pigsty seems like a better choice. But hey, it’s their tradition, and you gotta roll with it. Not my problem; they’re the ones likely biting the dust.
ANNOUNCEMENTS OF INTEREST
OR NOT, WHO KNOWS?
Lice Hunter Wanted: ‘Cause I’m so damn fat, I can’t even see down there. Cash for every critter you nab.
REF: Fat Bastard
I’ll Stitch a Cuttlefish to Your Face: So you can pass as a mutard.
REF: Cosme’s Disguises
Expanding Company Needs Vertigo Specialists: We’re building a tower taller than the damn cloud sea. Constant need, don’t expect to last long. Interested? Head to Tower-Bruno settlement.
REF: Rocco Walter
NEWS OF THE MONTH
So, without anyone expecting it, the dreaded Judges, the relentless police force of Puentechatarra, have decided to take an unusual path and have gone on strike.
According to their representative, they are protesting working conditions, demanding improvements in the quality of their uniforms and weapons that don’t fall apart. They are also demanding one day off per week, because of stress, because they need rest and recovery, because of who knows what other nonsense.
This representative, known to everyone as Derek ‘Tevoyafostiar’ Cho, stated: ‘We can’t continue to enforce the law without adequate resources! Our uniforms are falling apart and our weapons couldn’t cut through a child’s skin! We want a safer Puentechatarra for everyone, but above all for us, for fuck’s sake!’
Let’s see, the city is normally a bloody mess and the absence of the Judges isn’t really noticeable, but we have to admit that now the violence and criminal acts are even more brazen than before. On the other hand, you can walk around without worrying about a Judge beating you up for something you didn’t do or asking you for bullets for his protection.
The Puentechatarra Council is currently in talks with the Judges to find a solution that will restore law and order to Puentechatarra (I laugh just writing that), but of course, they don’t want to be forced to spend a single fucking bullet more than they currently do, as they have to continue paying for all their vices.
