Description
Back in the days when Trump Beta was president, just before everything went to shit, an enterprising mind decided to give the people what they asked for. In the midst of a climate of reactionary regression, where it was widely believed that any time in the past was always better (when, in reality, the only thing that was better was earlier), people sought refuge in works of fiction from previous decades in which everything was simpler, easier, more outdated and with fewer filters. Like the Wasteland of today, but before the lettuce-eating hipsters who fucked up everything with their politically correct bullshit.
History is cyclical, dude, it always has been. So yeah, the people of the World of Yesteryear also wanted to return to a time of glitter, big wigs, boobs, tough guys, curvy girls, one-liners, and problems solved with a kick in the mouth. That’s where Dolly Parton III comes in, rich mogul and descendant of the famous late 20th-century country singer. With a clear vision of what the future would be like (she failed to predict nuclear bombs and World War III, but otherwise, her market estimate was damned right), she sought out investors, pulled out her checkbook, joined the conglomerate that was going to build the world’s largest shopping mall, and got to work.
Thus was born Retropark, a place for families to retreat to a happier time, anchored in the last two decades of the 20th century. Social conventions, political correctness, moral standards, politeness, and good judgment are left at the door.
A central courtyard serves as a museum and exhibition hall, where Dolly Parton III managed to bring together many of the era’s retro pop culture icons. Presiding over the plaza was a life-size animatronic T-Rex, used in a very famous film, while dozens of display cases and displays scattered throughout the corridors housed objects from a glorious bygone era: a piece of the Beijing Wall, Van Halen’s guitar (a Viking rock god, according to the poster), Johnny Bravo’s quiff, and a Miguel Bosé single signed by him.
From this central area, you could access other sectors of Retropark, each dedicated to a different type of recreational activity. The whole place is run-down, neglected, and dirty, but many people from Merkadome still come here to see the wonders of the past, and some have even settled in its halls. Little by little, things have been restored, opening areas to the public and reopening the old businesses. For some strange reason, the people of Parameña seem to feel very much at home in the 1980s and 1990s, so they’ve grown fonder of Retropark.
Masca
Golam Globus
No one knows where he came from or what his real name is, but it’s clear that the one he has now came from the two enormous statues that flank the entrance to the VideoDrome. He knows the place like the back of his hand, capable of reciting its entire movie catalog by heart, polishing the high score on the only working machine in Arcadia, or creating the definitive list for a game of his own invention (“Cripples and Mavericks” is his favorite, a fast-paced urban interaction board game with tons of blood and violence). He likes nachos and spends a lot of time at Culver’s because they serve them with a guaramole sauce that he loves.
Other personalities
Alf
He’s a friendly mutard that everyone calls that because he looks like an egg that used to come out of a glass box in the World of Yore. They’ve seen him in magazines, posters, and billboards, and now he lives here with them and he’s really funny! Everyone greets him, stops to talk to him, and leaves him dead cats for him to eat. At first, Ricardo, which is the mutard’s real name, was a bit fed up with everyone being so familiar with him, because he didn’t have a single second to relax. But now he’s starting to like the attention, especially since he’s got free cat meat to eat, which on a spit is really good and indistinguishable from galligarto meat.
Barbarianna
The Viking Age heroine. She created her character by watching one of the old VideoDrome documentaries about a time-traveling karateka, but now she spends most of her time at GaryCon dressed as her favorite character. Namely: a barbarian with furs, a horned helmet, a bad attitude, and a beastly mini-gun. The weapon is a prop, but the swords aren’t. She’s a good mercenary fighter, if you can get along with her and convince her to help you.
Chef Culver
Owner of the restaurant that bears his name, this guy is very private and very few people have seen him in public. He seems to hide a dark past and some horrible secret, although very few people know about it. To learn more, read the “A Matter of Taste” module for the Punkapocalyptic roleplaying game, where he is an important NPC.
Dolly Parton III
The Retropark hostess immortalized herself in a series of super-slick Virtual Intelligence holograms that welcomed visitors to the place. There were several terminals spread throughout the area that explained what each area was and what you could do there. The fact is that the Virtual Intelligence was programmed to learn from its interactions with the public in order to become increasingly useful, but now its audience is made up of post-apocalyptic jerks who have very little conversation, little culture, and a lot of bad temper. Dolly Parton III’s IV has become a foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, and selfish thug, ready to get turned on at the slightest opportunity to criticize you, give shitty advice, give opinions on things no one has asked her about, and, in general, be as much of a pain in the ass as, if not more than, any other inhabitant of the neighborhood.
Vincenzo «Schizo»
Vicenzo is a young gang member, very electric, always ready for a move and paranoid about protection (that’s why he protects himself with his metal plate, since it is inside a metal drum), he carries a pistol, which is more bulky than powerful (it seems fake) and a light mace consisting of a ball and chain that he calls a “kojak” Or… When the key makes a “spark” his other personality appears and takes the wheel and believes he is a member of the V Reich, tired of the mutards stepping on the same ground, especially he hates anyone with mutations that allow them to use some kind of projectile. Those stinking mutards want to dent his precious armor. Rumor has it that inside that drum he carries a can with a cord around his neck to store the bullets where you can read “pryca”. He must have been some divine being or something like that. He was left handicapped after a game at GaryCon itself. After using certain drugs, his character took the lead in his already damaged car. It seems like there’s no one driving normally, but it would be better if that were the case.
Main locations
Buildings
Arcadia
Old arcade and machine room. The scrap dealers have only managed to get one arcade machine working again, one with a yellow circle that opens and closes to swallow dots and fruit that pop out through a maze while trying to escape from sheets with eyes. Its music is very addictive, so people line up to play it. The scoreboard only shows an acronym: G-G. The machines that don’t require energy or difficult-to-find parts still work, such as the pool tables, dartboards (although most only have two or three), and foosball tables. So it’s the favorite leisure spot for the entire neighborhood.
VideoDrome
In this gigantic establishment, thousands of films rescued from 20th-century archives could be rented, purchased, or even watched, with a special emphasis on action-adventure productions from the last two decades. Many of its shelves are shattered and empty, but Golan Globus and its people are working hard to restore this area to its former glory. It has a functioning background music system, which starts and stops at will, looping a strange melody and the word Movierecord. In some aisles, time seems to have stood still. The boxes of their VHS, DVDs, Blu-rays, and LaserDiscs are almost immaculate, organized by physical medium, theme, and alphabetical initial, with promotional posters and the occasional life-size cardboard cutout of their protagonists. At the back, there are several small screening rooms, one of which operates that way. Its 50 seats are always full, as watching these violent, graphic documentaries from the past is great fun for its inhabitants. Many of them name their children after the protagonists of these films, so the neighborhood is filled with boys and girls with names like Hundra, Vandamme, Saraconor, Indiana, and Ator.
GaryCon
A perpetual role-playing and miniatures convention. Here you could pick up any RPG book or supplement, tabletop game, or figurine game. The people who live here dress up (or “tickle,” as they used to say back then) like the turkeys and hens on book covers, trying to relive their adventures to add some interest to their monotonous lives. The joy here is a bit more forced, but it’s definitely the best place to stop by and see male or female carnage in the form of horny barbarians or bikini-clad space warriors. Don’t trust anything anyone here tells you, because while many people believe in their own characters and all act like awesome heroes, warriors, and assassins, most of them are freaks who can’t even hold a knife.
Carl Culver’s Awesome Kitchen
A burger joint serving roach burgers, though Chef Culver’s specialty is breaded with ground roach shells. These are fine dishes for the Wasteland, and some are even served with fries and a choice of sauce. Get your bullets ready for the rip-off. A gang known as the Burger Boys operates out of here, led by Bob the Bastard Burger Boy, a human hulk wearing a ridiculous black pompadour hat. They collect debts, beat up people, drink milk, and generally act like naughty children. It’s an old-school diner, a place where you can grab a bite or a drink (there are cheaper options on the menu than their specialty burgers), listen to an old jukebox that only plays three songs (Happy Hour by The Housemartins, Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks, and We Can Change the World by The Jackson 5) and just have a good time. It’s also the hook for the “A Matter of Taste” module of the Punkapocalyptic role-playing game, in case you don’t want to set your campaign on Junkbridge.
PimPamPum
It’s a huge venue designed for paintball, which was a way to get an adrenaline rush without filling the streets with crime. There are several rooms designed as different environments, from an urban circuit to mounds of earth that mimic trenches. Kids and adults alike can come here to settle disputes or take harmless revenge on their annoying relatives. There are a few working air guns left, although paintballs are a different story; it’s best not to ask what some of them are still refilled with, especially the more garishly colored ones. There have been instances of people bringing in real guns to kill some guys and then claiming it was an accident, and once two gangs even met in the Tron room to beat the hell out of each other in a cool, futuristic setting.
Gorky Park
This entire area was dedicated to the greatest enemy of healthy Western entertainment. Apparently, back then, the world was divided into two blocs: those who had a blast with their guns, heroin, economic recessions, and gangs, and those who froze their balls off with glum faces and ate beets while commuting to work in the same car. Gorky Park is a showcase of life in that other half of the world, with a permanent exhibition of old Red Army uniforms, VEF-202 radios from the pear year, an original Lada Zhiguli, traditional Ural peasant costumes, a giant 6-meter Misha, and similar things that demonstrated their clearly inferior lifestyle. Parents used to bring their children here as a kind of haunted house, to scare them with what their life would be like if they didn’t eat their vegetables.
Dragon Lee Leroy Merli
Es un local muy amplio que consta de 5 salas. En la entrada tiene un gato dorado grande, al que llaman » que te pego, leches» por que mueve el brazo izquierdo como si fuera a darte un capon.
Lo regenta Nagore «La Tanaka», ninja blanco, seguidora de la doctrina del bushido, aunque se lo pase por el forro a la hora de dar ostias. Influenciada por las películas «Operación Dragón», «El ultimo Dragon» y «El furor del Dragon»; junto a un cartel roto dentro del local «Leroy Meli»; llamo asi al local y banda.
Una sala es el gimnasio que se dedica a enseñar a dar ostias con estilo como dice la gente del lugar.
Una sala es el restaurante donde se sirve comida oriental como la de tiempos de antaño pero con ingredientes del páramo; la especialidad son los yakisoba, la pasta se supone que son de cereales, las salsas mejor no preguntar y la carne, cualquiera vale ; lo regenta Tonino «Yakisoba».
Una sala es donde está la arena de combate de forma octogonal, rodeada de banquillos. En esta sala se realizan combates y apuestas, su aforo siempre está lleno y reservado para todo aquel que tenga balas para pagar el acceso y las apuestas; esta sala la controla Charlie «Novita».
Una sala es el museo y armería, donde se exponen todas las armas y armaduras orientales de antaño que se han conseguido de una manera u otra, la visita es previo pago; lo lleva Tina «La Doraimon».
La última sala es de uso exclusivo para los flipaos de la banda, para que se utiliza sólo ellos lo saben, los que se han acercado a la puerta antes de haber recibido una ostia de Niki «Kimura», han escuchado gritos, jadeos, ronquidos y tintineo; los que han osado entrar en dicha sala sin autorización no han vuelto a aparecer por ningún sitio, ¿carne para los yakisoba?.
De todo lo que se recauda se le pasa una parte al masca Golam Globus y otra al Cherife; el resto es para la banda, dichas cuentas las controla Cheer «Nakamura».
Resources
Fun in spades and an unhealthy way to waste time reveling in the heroes and heroines of yesteryear. Their gang is valuable, in their own way, if you can overlook their quirks and become friends with them.
Character background for the role-playing game
Te has criado en el barrio más molón de todo Merkadome, el lugar de ocio preferido del asentamiento entero. Has tenido una infancia relativamente protegida, aunque siempre había algún jicharra que te quitaba las balas a la puerta de la sala de recreativos de Arcadia y te dejaba maquinando tremendas venganzas. En general los vecinos eran majos contigo, conociste a gente pintoresca como Alf el mutardo y te alimentaste bastante mejor que la media del Páramo.
Eso también es una desventaja, porque no estás acostumbrado a las privaciones ni a buscarte la vida por tu cuenta ahí fuera. Si hubieses vivido en el siglo XXI se te consideraría un urbanita de mierda que cree que la leche viene de los tetrabrik y que vivir sin saneamiento es el colmo de la vida sostenible. Pero a cambio tienes una educación envidiable, has leído, has visto videodocus del Mundo de Antaño y te has formado como adulto responsable para un mundo que no necesita mierdecillas como tú.
*** Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version) ***
Attributes: increases your Brains score by 1, reduces your Muscle score by 1.
Languages: You can speak two languages of your choice.
Cerebrin: When you first encounter a creature, make a Brain roll. If you succeed, you will have read something, or watched a docuvideo, or talked to an old-timer who has told you what the critter is and what its characteristics are. In that case, you will make Attack rolls against it with 1 advantage.
Starting equipment: you have some decent clothes, a knife, a backpack and 1 of food, 1 of water and 1 of medicine.
BENEFITS OF MISSION 4
When you complete your fourth mission you will receive the following benefits.
Health: increase by 4 points.
Adaptability: If you’ve survived this far, it means that in addition to being brainy, you also know how to cover your ass in the real world. Increase one Attribute of your choice by 1.
From now on, your Brainy trait also grants you 1 advantage in resisting Attacks from new creatures you encounter, if you succeed on the Brains roll.
RETROPARK BACKGROUND
| d6 | Background |
| 1 | Your wanderlust always drove you to find out what the fuck could be beyond Merkadome. Dream fulfilled, my friend. Good luck surviving. |
| 2 | Although from the outside it’s all glitz and glitter, there’s a dark side to Retropark and you’ve seen it up close and personal. A bad bet at the pool hall has put you in the crosshairs of a gang of thugs – time to get out! |
| 3 | You hooked up with a guy from the neighbouring neighbourhood of El Invernadero, who was so obsessed with the beasts of the World of Yesteryear that he went on an adventure. And you followed him, of course. |
| 4 | An old man with a long grey beard, who runs a Chinese gift shop in HamAzone, sold you for four bullets the map to an ancient treasure buried in the desert: a bundle of unreleased video game cartridges. |
| 5 | Dolly Parton III is a real pain in the ass and you want to disable her once and for fuckin’ all. In the military ruins of the Old World there must be a virus that will kill her dead. |
| 6 | You are fascinated by the fantastic world of Gorki Park, the life on the other side of the former Iron Curtain. Your dream is to travel halfway around the world to see it with your own eyes. Others comb light bulbs, tron. |
